i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
