pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize