Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
