Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
