Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
