Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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