Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
