your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need to calm my uterus...
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