just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
