and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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