the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
