the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
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Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
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I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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