I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
