Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
