I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize