Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just invented taco cereal.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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