Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im drinking this country out of the recession.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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