I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
