those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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