I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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