Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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