Apparently you make a good broom.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize