The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
