we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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