his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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