This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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