You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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