shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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