This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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