Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
