so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
