This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
