So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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