will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize