Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
