Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
