for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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