He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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