id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
