how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
we're so committed to being not committed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
