just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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