the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
