Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
