it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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