His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
