We won't sleep together?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
