You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
