So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
