We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Watching her eat just hurts me
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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