ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
