haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize