You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
