I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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