if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.