Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?