he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.