Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner