I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
