Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
