i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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