I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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